My Mental Health

Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I thought I’d write something about it, and since the subject I know best is myself, at least in “concept,” I thought I’d be self-centered and start with me.

I wake at 4 AM every weekday – perhaps a clue itself to my mental sanity – and I begin with a cup of coffee and a quick scan of the New York Times and social media before I hop on the rowing machine to really get the day going.

This time of year, and this time of day, it’s especially peaceful and contemplative.  The songbirds at our farm are singing in the predawn long before most humans have opened an eyelid, and the artistry of the sky as it evolves toward daybreak can take your breath away.

These days, though, it seems other items take my breath, as my routine of news and social media often triggers a stress response, a tightening in my chest and a pervading sense of water coming over the gunwales that alters the course of my day. It feels like an alien and enemy energy is invading my physical being.

Here's an example, a story from the New York Times about Yale University professors who are experts in authoritarianism and are moving to Canada in large part because of the growth of fascism here.

I watched the story and immediately went into decline.

It just as easily could have been a story about climate change, illegal deportations, measles.  Pick an entrée of despair because the plate is full of them.

You, too? Maybe?

Most days I’m able to bail the boat and get my mental ship righted, but the frequency of these morning occurrences got me wondering about the state of my mental health.

I’m generally aware of attending to it and do a lot of things that help, or are supposed to help:  meditate, exercise, socialize (at work), put my bare hands into the soil on our farm.

But am I mentally healthy?  Am I unfit?  I often wonder.  And I’ve never really measured it.

I’ve sought counseling before, during divorce, but that revealed itself to be highly situational.  (I highly recommend counseling btw.)

After a quick query to the Google machine, turns out there are some assessments to help determine the fitness of your mental well-being.  For instance, one of the most basic is called “A Simple Mental Health Pain Scale.” Looking at it, I self-assess to a 3/4, which means I’m doing okay, I guess.

On another, the Beck’s Depression Inventory, I had a score of 14 – which puts me in the category of mild mood disturbance. Again, not tops, but a long way from being bad – your mental health progressively deteriorates up to a top score of 63 – and some of my points were earned simply by being older.

For instance:  Sexual drive the same as it used to be? Hmm, same as it was when I was 24? At age 66, I don’t think so.

Worried about physical problems? See age 66 above.

Which I guess emphasizes mental health challenges increasing with age, so we need to keep a closer eye on this aspect of well-being.

These self-assessments point to reasonably good mental health.  Why then does that feel so horrible and humbling some days?

Perhaps I simply need to learn to accept this as part of the human condition, or at least my level of mental anguish, and to appreciate that my dark clouds, like those in the sky, are passing.

I’m curious.  How do you gauge your mental health?  And what tricks do you have for keeping it positively healthy, as well as to change your trajectory when things start taking heading south?

I’m asking because I’d like to know – and I think everyone who reads Godspeed could benefit from shared stories and experiences.

For me, it might be as easy as not beginning the day with news, or social media, though I am a reader by nature and that’s a hard habit to break, especially when my work as a writer and branding consultant depends on a stream of knowledge and connection.  I’d have to read it at some point, right?  So maybe first thing in the morning isn’t the best time to do it.

What do you think?

Godspeed, friends.

Russ

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